Sunday, August 30, 2009

Asians drink some strange things Part 1

There's this Chinese supermarket near where I live that I go to occasionally to get Dim Sum buns (becasue it seems to be the only place in the valley that sells them.) One thing that always blows me away about these places is the wide assortment of weird shit that Asians drink. Those of you out in internet land who know who I am in real life will know that I'm part Filipino, which is sort-of-kind-of Asian, so I like to explore places like this once in a while.

First up we have "Hello Boss" canned cappuccino. You don't really see coffee in a can much from American companies (except maybe Starbucks,) but apparently it's pretty big in Asia. Not sure exactly why it's called this, maybe becasue when you drink it, it wakes you up for work? Who knows exactly.

Not surprisingly it doesn't taste like coffee much at all, more like a swilling sugary watery can of shit. Which is not to say it's not bad. I also picked up some Hello Boss Milk Tea, which besides coming in a can that's more yellow also tastes almost exactly like the Cappuccino. It's good to have variety I suppose.

Last for this installment of weird Asian drinks is "Zest-o JIC," which stands for "Juice in Can." This particular drink happens to be Guayabano juice. Yes, it's misspelled, but that's how it is on the can.

In case you're wondering what the fuck a Guyabano is, it's one of those bizarre green prickly things that no one would ever try to eat unless they were starving (or you're my grandmother.) I mean seriously, say you're part of some stone age tribe in the Philippines several thousand years ago, and you were running around in the jungle all hungry and came across a tree with these things on them. I suppose hungry people will eat anything, but like, isn't spikes one of nature's ways of saying "Leave me the fuck alone?"


Anyway the Zest-o crap wasn't actually half bad, had sort of a guava-mango kinda taste to it, and is much better than eating a Guyabano in real life (which taste sort of like unripe kiwi with baby powder in it.) I mean if I gotta eat a Guyabano, I don't know... say there's a gun to my head or something, then I suppose I could tolerate it in canned juice form.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Eternal Earthboung Pets - Ensuring Fluffy gets fed after the Rapture

Followers of my little corner of teh intertubes have probably figured out I'm not much of a religious man. I'm an agnostic at best, a rabid atheist at worst. Fact is I really don't see much reason out there to support the view of a personal, all loving God. I mean if he really paid much attention, then there shouldn't be people born with no arms out there. Yeah you can eat with your feet but that's not the point. However I live in a religious country in a highly religious world, and one thing I've found to be a great source of comedy is the actions of religious people.

I present to you, Eternal-Earth Bound Pets. From the home page:

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Oh man, oh man. I hope this is a joke. From the Terms and conditions:

Should a relative residing within the rescue location not be Raptured and opts to retain the pet(s), EE-BP will not take posession of the pet(s). No refund will be tendered.

Not much else to say about this, except I'm thinking of starting my own petcare-rapture business and competing with these guys.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Lennonade - Get Hammered and Sickled

Found this today at my local comic book shop - Lennonade! The bottle is done up in old Soviet style, with various parody slogans throughout - "A taste worth standing in line for," "A party in every bottle," or "Drink, comrade! Drink! It's this or the Gulag!" The drink itself is dark pink and not too sweet, tastes like real lemons.

Availible at or specialty shops everywhere.

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Squirrels will kill us all

Squirrels are getting arrogant, soon it will come to war. We have to strike first to stop the squirrel menace. Check out this trio of bizzare squirrel stories:

Crack addicted squirrels terrorize south London


"Crack squirrels are a recognised problem in America. They are common in parks used by addicts in New York and Washington DC.
They have been known to attack park visitors in their search for a fix."

Russian Squirrels attack and kill dog


"The attack was reported in parkland in the centre of Lazo, a village in the Maritime Territory, and was witnessed by three local people.
A "big" stray dog was nosing about the trees and barking at squirrels hiding in branches overhead when a number of them suddenly descended and attacked, reports say.

"They literally gutted the dog," local journalist Anastasia Trubitsina told Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper."

Grey Squirrels invade Nut House


"A Northern Ireland woman is on the front line of the ongoing battle against grey squirrel hordes after her house was invaded by massed sciurine forces, the BBC reports.

Oonagh Nutt, of Moira in County Down, explained that the incursion began when advanced squirrel patrols entered her garden from a nearby park. She said: "I thought it was lovely, I called one of them Hazel but then the next thing they'd got into the house."

That was 18 months ago, and since then the creatures have set about trashing Nutt's house. She continued: "They chewed their way through my roof in several places, they tunnel through the cavity walls, they live under the floor boards, they go to the toilet in the attic."

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Welcome, and some weird pics

Welcome to Meat Monkey's house of weirdness. This is a blog where Meat Monkey will post weird things. Nothing starts off a new blog like a bunch of pics. Enjoy!