What's up folks! Please enjoy some photos from Monsterpalooza 2026, this past May in Pasadena, CA.
So I had this idea for a movie, it would go like this...
The main character is a guy in his late twenties, kind of a loser, sort of a dick but overly likable. He is however fat and disgusting - burps, farts, picks his nose, etc. So he works at a shitty job washing dishes and moping floors at a coffee shop, and has a best friend who's better looking and more successful than him, and a girlfriend that barely tolerates him, like one step away from dumping his ass.
Let's call our main character "John." So John goes to the flea market and buys a lamp. Later that day, he cleans the lap, and a magic genie pops out, and of course says he'll grant John three wishes. John is pissed off that he's so fat, and can't seem to lose any weight, so he wishes that from now on all the ice cream in the world tastes like liver and onions. "That way I won't eat it anymore," he says. The genie grants his wish. Then we get a nice montage of little kids eating ice cream around the world and suddenly spitting it out, puking, crying, etc. Birthday parties are ruined. People are dumping ice cream in the streets. Baskin Robins goes out of business. John is oblivious to all this, and promptly forgets all about it. He still doesn't lose any weight.
Then, John and his better looking, more successful friend (let's call him Shaun,) are watching TV, and this really horrible children's TV show comes on. They get into a conversation as to why TV is so shitty, which leads to John making a bet that he could make an incredibly shitty TV show on purpose and people will watch and like it, just because it's on TV. He then summons the genie, and uses his second wish for five BILLION dollars, which he uses to create a production company. They make a 52 episode children's cartoon called "Meatformers - more than meats the eye," with associated toy and apparel line. He then straight out pays every major network to air his piece of shit TV show round the clock, 24-7, until all his money is gone. Sure enough, it gains a world wide following. The networks order new seasons. Michael Bay makes a movie adaption where things blow up. People are dressing up as Optimus Prime-rib, Meatatron, Chicken-scream, etc at conventions and shit. Shaun is forced to concede defeat, and has to do something stupid like run across the freeway naked with an egg gripped between his buttcheecks as a result.
Finally, one day John goes into a Sizzler, and wants to eat some shrimp. The owner of this Sizzlers is a dick to him earlier in the movie, so to teach him a lesson, John wishes for the ability to eat as much as he wants without getting full. He then proceeds to eat every single shrimp in the entire restaurant, pissing off all the other customers. When the owner tries to charge him more than the usual $9.99, John refuses. The police get called. John then sues Sizzler, which results in a court scene in which his friend Shaun backs up a dump truck full of deep fried shrimp into the court room. We then get a long, continuous, shot of John eating shrimp, for like fifteen minutes. Just John eating shrimp, after shrimp, after shrimp. Literally a fifteen minute, uninterrupted eating scene. No dialog, no music, no cuts, nothing but a guy eating shrimp.
So anyway, he loses the court battle anyway, because the judge gets pissed off that his entire defense was him demonstrating his ability to eat shrimp, but John is still rich from his Meatformers TV show so he doesn't give a fuck. Then, his girlfriend finds the lamp, and summons the genie. Let's call the girlfriend "Sarah." John tells her about the wishes he made.
Sarah then proceeds to rip John a new asshole. For like half an hour, all we see is her just bitching him the fuck out, calling him stupid, calling him a moron, etc. Just screaming at him with disbelief that he'd waste his wishes making a stupid ass TV show and making fucking ice cream taste like liver and onions, throwing shit at his head, telling him about all the things he could have done - cured cancer, cured AIDS, solved world hunger, world peace, saved the whales, etc. This sequence needs to be minimum 30 minutes long, with her finally just leaving, taking the lamp with her, screaming that she's going to have to waste one of her wishes making ice cream taste good again, etc. Presumably she goes off to actually use her wishes to make the world a better place, but we don't see that.
The move ends with a shot of John playing video games, still fat, still gross, still a fucking loser, having learned absolutely fucking nothing from the whole experience. The end.
So, what do you think?
Hello folks! My latest toy unboxing is the Wolfman from Neca, just in time for Halloween. This is a seven inch tall "color version," and depicts Lon Chaney as the iconic character. This is party of Neca's "Ultimate" line which also includes the Universal Monsters versions of Frankenstein, the Mummy, as well as modern horror movie icons such as Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, Jason Vorhees, and others. An excellent and highly detailed figure, and already starting to be hard to find.
This blog is quickly becoming all about toys, and tbh I don't really feel to bad about that. Now is kind of the greatest time to be alive if you're a toy collector like me. All the stuff that was cool in the 80s and 90s is back now, and it's 20 times better.
Masters of the Universe Origins for example is one of the greatest toy lines I've ever collected. They remain true to the original designs but update them in subtle ways. The changes they do make improve upon the originals.
Anyway, this Man-E-Faces figure is great. Everyone should buy them.
