When I was eight years old, the first movie I ever bought with my own money was the original King Kong vs. Godzilla, on VHS. Up until that point my exposure to Godzilla was mainly from library books, in particular Godzilla by Ian Thorne, which my elementary school library had a copy of. I watched that tape so many times that it started to wear out (those grainy lines started to appear in various places, especially the monster fight scenes.) I must have watched that movie 150 times over the years, and it introduced me to a love of tokusatu that continues to this day. Through the revivals the Godzilla franchise had in the 90s and 2000s I often thought about how awesome it would be to get an updated remake of this film with modern effects. So when I found out that it was actually happening I jumped for joy, had a heart attack, and crapped my pants all at the same time.
The final result is.. well.. not a bad movie. That is to say, the plot moves along quickly, the effects are great, the monsters both get a lot of screentime, and most importantly the fights are probably the best monster fights ever put to screen. But if you're looking for strong human characters, well written dialog, or a plot that makes sense, well this ain't it.
But you know what? Who cares. Kaiju films never really had strong or even memorable human characters, not really. Nor did they have realistic premises, or plots that didn't have holes big enough to drive a truck through, and especially continuity with other films in the series. Quick - name the name of the main male lead of Destroy All Monsters. You can't, and you know why? Because nobody watches these movies for the human beings. We watch them for the monsters. We watch them to see Godzilla rake a row of tanks with his atomic breath, or Kong to beat up some dinosaurs. We watch them to see cities get destroyed and to have two men in badly made rubber suits do wrestling moves on each other. That's the point of kaiju films, to turn your brain off and have fun. Who cares if Godzilla can blow a hole through literal dozens of miles into the center of the Earth with his Atomic breath? Who cares if Kong and the scientists have to go through some weird wormhole-thing when descending into the hollow Earth but not when they climb back out? Who cares that there's somehow a sun in the middle of the Earth, or that the humans are walking around in what should be a radioactive pressure cooker with no protection and they don't all get sick and die, or that two giant monsters who are essentially animals somehow have enough sense to team up against the bad guy robot Mechagodzilla (who is awesome and easily steals the show) for no reason when five minutes beforehand they were trying to kill each other. It doesn't have to make sense. It only has to be fun.
So in that respect, the movie delivers. It's a blast to watch and a great ending to the Legendary Godzilla franchise. Just don't go in expecting something it's not and you'll have a great time.
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